do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
