your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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