Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
you had me at cake vodka
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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