If i come over, it means nothing
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he thought i was a dude.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize