I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
