Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
