I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
