ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
