mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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