I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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