It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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