apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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