Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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