I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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