i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
