Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
