"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize