I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
