you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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