Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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