You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
