The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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