She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
