Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
God, I missed his penis.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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