Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
