And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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