At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My vagina is officially offended.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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