Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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