I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
