he puts the penis in happiness.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
