So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
