it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Text me some of your sweat
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize