Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
