i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
