I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
