South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
