everyone is single if you try hard enough
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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