I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
