sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
