You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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