Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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