My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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