She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
