i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
