Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
