I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize