every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
