This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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