I think im going to throw up on grandma
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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