dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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