butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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