Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
