What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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