he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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