I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
