Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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