At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
