You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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