I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It's Friday. Sex?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
