let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize