covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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