By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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